Lessons in Self-Acceptance

I’m spending some time this week doing administrative tasks.  Which is a euphemism for “boring things I wish I didn’t have to do, but they’re good for my business.”  If I had my druthers, I would do nothing but work out, but, weirdly, running a fitness website and YouTube channel requires all sorts of other demands on my time.

*sigh*

One of the things that I assigned myself to do was re-write the description for all of my videos.  Not individually, thank goodness, just the standard blurb that goes underneath the specifics of each video.  I haven’t liked the old blurb for quite awhile – since I wrote it, really – and even though this is a tangent unrelated to the point of my post, I’m going to tell you why:  It was full of fitness industry jargon that totally did not mesh with what I stand for.  I hate making promises about weight loss and using phrases like “get results” and “blast fat” on my videos.  That’s not the point of my workouts!  I’m all about exercising because you love your body and want to feel healthy, not about fitting into skinny jeans.  But it’s hard to rank in the search results without some of that “fitspeak.”  We’ll see what happens to my view count now that I’ve changed it up, but I feel much more comfortable with the current wording and hope it’s a better reflection of what my channel is about.

Anyway.  While I was retrofitting all 235 of the videos, I decided to do some inventory control, weeding out older stuff that just didn’t fit in with what I’m doing anymore.  Which meant watching some of the old videos, and let me tell you – it was painful!

Not from a workout standpoint.  I still stand by every workout I’ve ever done.  In fact, there were a few where I was like, “Dang!  I did that?”  But, oh my goodness, the production value (or lack thereof) on those old videos was just embarrassing!  The lighting, the sound, the video quality, the transitions…  Do you want me to go on?  Because it was all crap.

I wanted to cry.

I remember the first time I added titles to one of my videos.  I thought I was Steven freakin’ Spielberg, getting all fancy with the words and the backgrounds!  And now it just looks like crap.

I thought long and hard about just deleting every old embarrassing video on my channel.  Get rid of them all!  I was seriously, sorely tempted.  But then I took a deep breath and thought – not for the first time – about how much running your own fledgling entrepreneurial business is just like getting fit.

It’s a process.

And it’s not a pretty one.  It’s not a smooth one, nor an easy one.  You have to accept where you are and focus on moving forward from here.

Getting better takes time, and there’s no easy “fix it now” button.  You learn lessons along the way, and you cringe at the way you used to do things, but you keep learning and keep chipping away at it, and eventually you’ll get where you want to be.  The difficulty is the most important part of the journey.

It’s a cliche because it’s true, you guys!

I ended up keeping all but a few of the older workouts (and the ones I deleted weren’t full-length workouts, so I doubt that anybody will miss them).  And rather than being embarrassed of having those crappy old videos associated with my name, I’ve decided to be proud of how far I’ve come and how much I’ve learned and grown in the past few years.  When I first started posting workout videos, I knew literally nothing about film-making, editing, lighting, or sound.  And while I won’t be asked to join the International Documentary Association any time soon, I think I’m doing alright for now.

Just don’t ask me to watch those old videos any more, okay??  🙂

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