I am having a rough couple of days. You know the kind? Where nothing you do works out the way it’s supposed to?
Over the weekend, I had tech troubles with my video editing software. As in, it rather suddenly decided that it wouldn’t work anymore. And I’m not a techie kind of person, so I was completely flummoxed by this. I issued the command for the function I was trying to execute again and again, understanding but not believing that it simply wasn’t going to do what I asked.
Then this morning, I spent over an hour preparing and recording a really sweaty and brutal workout for next week. I was pretty excited about this one – it’s a structure I haven’t done in a while and it was a satisfyingly difficult workout. And then I went to edit the video and realized that I had done the entire thing without turning on the microphone.
Now, generally speaking, when unexpectedly difficult things happen, I like to take a look around me and think to myself, “What lesson am I supposed to be learning from this?” Because I don’t believe we get ourselves into messes like this without reason. As a good friend of mine says (and I quote her every time I can, because I think it’s really funny): If you find yourself at a restaurant eating a sh*t sandwich, you must have ordered it.
But I’m not going to lie. In both of these instances, I didn’t even try to keep my cool. I wasn’t looking for lessons or thinking about sandwiches. I was just mad.
There was swearing.
There was crying.
There was yelling and at least one pounding fist on my desktop.
“Why me? Why now? WHAT THE ACTUAL F#*! IS GOING ON AND HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DEAL WITH THIS??“
But now I’ve taken a deep breath and calmed down a little. So I sat down at my keyboard and decided to look for the lesson here with you. Because I feel there must be one.
Why am I eating a sh*t sandwich?
Here’s what I’ve come up with so far: I am at a crossroads of sorts with Pahla B Fitness. I have been scrabbling along for over three years now, putting out lots of videos but hardly gaining any traction as far as (for lack of a better word) popularity on YouTube. My audience is small, my view count is small, my growth is steady… but small.
Last year, I made the commitment to work on this business full time, but still really struggled to get the kind of growth I was hoping for. (Notice that word hoping? Yeah, not a solid business plan.) I was still dabbling, and doing only the tasks that I felt comfortable with.
This year, I have huge goals for where I’d like to be by December, and a more detailed map of how I’m going to get there. A map that includes tasks I’d rather not do, honestly – learning new software, buying new equipment, learning more about business and sales and marketing, changing the way I get things done, and being more present on social media, to name just a few.
But I know that it’s time to change things up, time to level up and be the success that I’m meant to be. I have a message to share with the world (that working out is FUN and that ANYBODY can do it), and it’s time to step out of my comfort zone and be heard.
And, my dear Killer B, that is freakin’ scary.
Change is scary.
Putting yourself out there is scary.
Learning new things is scary.
Publicly announcing your gigantic personal goals is scary.
Having personal goals that other people don’t understand is scary.
I could go on, as the list of scary things in the world is quite long, but you get the point and let’s cut to the chase: I suspect that my strange technological mishaps these past few days is just self-sabotage, a common reaction I have when things get scary.
And if so? Yay! Because I know how to handle that! I am definitely not a stranger to self-sabotage, and moving past it is as simple (and as complicated) as this: acknowledge and release it.
So, now that we’ve figured out me, let’s talk about you for a minute.
Did you see yourself anywhere in this story? Okay, maybe not the specifics (though… if you happen to be a whiz at video editing, could you pop into my inbox with some advice?) But the big picture of fear and resistance to change?
Have you been playing small with your fitness and weight loss goals? Have you been stuck doing the things you feel comfortable with, but not the stuff that seems hard? And maybe you’ve decided to take some big risks and really go all-in, but ended up getting in your own way?
Because that’s why I shared the story. To let you know that we ALL struggle with change and fear. We ALL find ourselves eating a sh*t sandwich now and again.
But you know what’s awesome?
We can always send it back and order something better for ourselves.
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